How to manage your anger
Anger is one of the most common and destructive mental disturbances, and it affects our mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger, we need to identify it within our mind, to recognize how it hurts us and others, and to understand and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. Then, we need to apply methods in our daily lives to reduce our anger and ultimately prevent it from fully manifesting.
What is anger? Anger is a disturbed state of mind that attaches itself to an animated or inanimate object, feels it as unpleasant, exaggerates its faults and desires to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that time, he or she seems unpleasant or unpleasant to us. We then exaggerate his faults by fixing ourselves only on the aspects that irritate us, and ignoring all his qualities and kindness, until we have built a mental image of an intrinsically defective person. We then want to hurt this person in one way or another, probably by criticizing or denigrating him. Anger is therefore a state of mind next to reality because it is based on exaggeration.
Every time anger occurs in us, our inner peace disappears immediately and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so agitated that it is almost impossible for us to find sleep and, when we succeed, our night is hectic and not very restorative. When we are angry, it is impossible for us to have fun and even our food seems to taste bad. Anger even turns an usually attractive person into a demon with a red and ugly face. Then we become more and more unhappy and, whatever our efforts, we are unable to control our emotions.
Anger is particularly destructive in our relationships with others. When we live in contact with a person, our personalities, priorities, interests and ways of doing things frequently clash. We spend so much time together and we know each other’s faults so well that it becomes very easy to become critical of our irritable partner and accuse him of ruining our lives. Unless we continually make efforts to manage this anger as soon as it occurs, our relationships will suffer. And little by little by dint of patience our reactions will change for more benevolence.
Anger is a response to feelings of discontent, which in turn occur whenever we encounter unpleasant conditions. Whenever something prevents us from satisfying our desires or when we are forced to live in a situation that we do not like (in short, whenever we would prefer to avoid things), our uncontrolled mind reacts immediately with a feeling of discontent. This uncomfortable feeling can easily turn into anger, and we become even more disturbed than before.
If there is a remedy to a problem, why worry?
And if there is no remedy to a problem, there is still no need to worry!
Shantideva – Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life
Recommended reading for more learning – How to Solve our Human Problems