Kadampa Buddhism
Kadampa Buddhism is a school of Mahayana Buddhism founded by the great Indian Buddhist master Atisha (982–1054). Those who follow this school are known as ‘Kadampas’. ‘Ka’ means ‘word’ and refers to the teachings of the Buddha, whilst ‘dam’ refers to the specific instructions of Atisha’s Lamrim, known as ‘the stages of the path to enlightenment’. It is by integrating their knowledge of all the Buddha’s teachings into the practice of the Lamrim – which they apply in their daily lives – that Kadampa Buddhists are able to use the Buddha’s teachings to transform their everyday activities into the path to enlightenment.
The Buddha’s teachings enable us to transform the ‘raw materials’ of our everyday life into an extraordinary inner journey towards the awakening of a Buddha. Thus, through the practice of meditation, it is possible to transform both our pleasures and our problems into means of realising our potential.
Kadampa Buddhism was first introduced to the West in 1977 by the renowned Buddhist master, Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. Since then, he has been tireless in his efforts to spread Kadampa Buddhism throughout the world, giving detailed teachings, writing numerous texts that reveal the depth of Kadampa Buddhism, and founding the New Kadampa Tradition – the International Kadampa Buddhist Union (NKT-IKBU), which today comprises more than 1,200 Kadampa centres and branches worldwide.
Kadampa Buddhism is therefore an approach to Buddhism that emphasises the integration of the teachings into one’s life with purity and sincerity, in order to cultivate genuine happiness and inner peace.
“A Kadampa is someone who receives the Buddha’s entire teachings as personal advice to be incorporated into their everyday life.”
Our upcoming Kadampa meditation prayers
Kadampa Buddhism is a school of Mahayana Buddhism founded by the great Indian Buddhist master Atisha (982–1054). Those who follow this school are known as ‘Kadampas’. ‘Ka’ means ‘word’ and refers to the teachings of the Buddha, whilst ‘dam’ refers to the specific instructions of Atisha’s Lamrim, known as ‘the stages of the path to enlightenment’. It is by integrating their knowledge of all the Buddha’s teachings into the practice of the Lamrim – which they apply in their daily lives – that Kadampa Buddhists are able to use the Buddha’s teachings to transform their everyday activities into the path to enlightenment.
The Buddha’s teachings enable us to transform the ‘raw materials’ of our everyday life into an extraordinary inner journey towards the awakening of a Buddha. Thus, through the practice of meditation, it is possible to transform both our pleasures and our problems into means of realising our potential.
Kadampa Buddhism was first introduced to the West in 1977 by the renowned Buddhist master, Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. Since then, he has been tireless in his efforts to spread Kadampa Buddhism throughout the world, giving detailed teachings, writing numerous texts that reveal the depth of Kadampa Buddhism, and founding the New Kadampa Tradition – the International Kadampa Buddhist Union (NKT-IKBU), which today comprises more than 1,200 Kadampa centres and branches worldwide.
Kadampa Buddhism is therefore an approach to Buddhism that emphasises the integration of the teachings into one’s life with purity and sincerity, in order to cultivate genuine happiness and inner peace.
“A Kadampa is someone who receives the Buddha’s entire teachings as personal advice to be incorporated into their everyday life.”
Our upcoming Kadampa meditation prayers
Each of these centres offers study programmes based on Buddhist psychology, philosophy and meditation, as well as retreats, for practitioners of all levels. Particular emphasis is placed on putting the Buddha’s teachings into practice in everyday life, so that, throughout the world, our daily problems may be resolved and everyone may experience lasting peace and happiness.
Kadampa Buddhism of the NKT-IKBU is a completely independent Buddhist tradition with no political affiliation. It is an association of Buddhist centres and practitioners who draw inspiration from the example set by the ancient Kadampa Buddhist masters and follow their teachings, as presented by Geshe Kelsang.
Buddhism is the practice of the Buddha’s teachings, also known as ‘dharma’, which means ‘protection’. By practising the Buddha’s teachings, sentient beings are permanently protected from suffering. Shakyamuni Buddha is the founder of Buddhism. In 589 BC, at Bodh Gaya in India, the Buddha demonstrated how to attain enlightenment, the ultimate goal of all living beings. He then began to expound his profound teachings, or ‘turn the wheel of the Dharma’. The Buddha gave eighty-four thousand teachings, and Buddhism spread throughout the world on the basis of these precious teachings.
Our Buddhist courses, retreats and special events
Fri 16 Oct
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
Today, we can see many different forms of Buddhism, such as Zen and Theravada Buddhism. These different aspects are all practices based on the Buddha’s teachings and are therefore equally valuable. They are simply different ways of presenting the teachings. In the book *A Modern Buddhism*, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso explains Buddhism according to the Kadampa tradition, which he has studied and practised. This book presents the Dharma in a way that is specially designed for people in the modern world.
There are three reasons why we need to study and practise the Buddha’s teachings: to develop our wisdom, to cultivate a good heart, and to maintain a peaceful state of mind. If we do not strive to develop our wisdom, we will always remain ignorant of the ultimate truth, the true nature of reality. Although we wish to be happy, our ignorance causes us to commit unwholesome actions, which are the main cause of all our suffering.
If we do not cultivate a good heart, our selfish motives will destroy our harmonious relationships with others. We will not live in peace and will not be able to attain pure happiness. Without inner peace, outer peace is impossible. If our mind is not at peace, we are not happy even when external circumstances are excellent; but if, on the other hand, our mind is at peace, we are happy even when external circumstances are poor. That is why developing these qualities is of the utmost importance for our day-to-day happiness.
Self-effacement or self-sabotage?
In the course of our work, for example, we often face a situation where our superior asks us to carry out a long and complicated project or to complete tasks within a very short deadline. We may be saying to ourselves, “Don’t ask me that!, It is beyond my skills, someone else could do it better than me, There is so much at stake in this project, I risk sabotaging it!”
We can hold this same discourse in the context of our spiritual life. We think, for example, that it is impossible to realize emptiness or to obtain such spiritual realizations.
These two examples show us that we are under the influence of discouragement, and that we sabotage ourselves. If we realize that we can finally achieve the goal, with a little encouragement, we are very happy and we accept the challenges that come our way. Likewise, if we let go of the idea that we cannot realize emptiness, with a little encouragement and inspiration, we can begin to enjoy ourselves and take the first step.
Laziness in disguise
Discouragement is ubiquitous in our time, and when it finds its way into our spiritual practice, it becomes a dangerous type of laziness, called “the laziness of discouragement”.
We have enormous spiritual potential. Everything depends on our mind, our thoughts, including our sense of ourselves. Keeping the thought that our self is permanent and limited prevents us from changing and realizing our potential.
Self-effacement can be seen as endearing, sometimes even covered in humility, but more often than not it attaches strongly to a limited self that holds us back from trying or reaching for anything that might help us. themselves and others. Our inner monologue leads us to develop thoughts like “Your no good,” ” You’re too old,” “You won’t make it!” etc. These thoughts are not humility, but dislike and hurtful comments that we would not tolerate in other people. The fact that we tolerate and heed our own harmful thoughts is a shame knowing that we have precious human life, Buddha nature and that we can do anything if we go there.
Regarding the laziness of discouragement, we may think like this: Discouragement is a problem for me – there is often no line between self-effacement and self-destruction in my mind. My teacher told me that the full name for discouragement is discouragement laziness, but we don’t find ourselves lazy when we feel discouraged. This thought is legitimate. We think that devaluing ourselves is not serious and has no consequence. We don’t think that thought is a delusion. Now, this laziness of discouragement IS indeed a delusion. It may even be the most harmful delusion, in the sense that under its influence we let our lives go on unchanged and it keeps us stuck in suffering if we let it.
We can better understand the delusion of laziness if we appreciate what opposes it, namely a positive mind, which is effort.
Our meditation classes for dealing with discouragement
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
What is effort in the spiritual sense?
The word “striving” in the spiritual sense can have a connotation of great effort! Its full name, “joyful effort“, sounds better, but it still seems to require effort. Is the word “energy” more appropriate? or the word “inspiration” or “pleasure“. I am inspired to practice, I am happy to practice, I like to practice, I love to practice – these are all manifestations of effort, much more than “I need to put in the effort,“ “ I should really practice” …
Effort can sound like an intense word, like we’re pressuring or forcing ourselves to get results. We are sometimes like this: as competitive Westerners, we can keep our competitive side in our spiritual practice. We may sit next to someone thinking, “I wonder if they’re concentrating? Oh no, they can’t meditate as long as I do!“ “Oh, their posture is so much better” etc. We tend to push a lot in our own culture, work, family, society, etc. – we force results. And we may also be pressured to falsify the results to look better.
Do you live your life as if people are looking over your shoulder and judging you? Maybe you feel guilty when you don’t think you measure up as a mother, father, employee, spouse, and even as spiritual practitioners? If so, then we feel that we have to force and put in more effort (or better falsify!), but guilt is not a substitute for joy, and is not effort.
If we can avoid the extremes of self-mockery and hypocrisy, and have a cheerful, confident, enthusiastic, and relaxed approach to our meditation practices, we are sure to change many things for the better.
What is “virtue”?
Effort is defined in Buddhism as “a mind that delights in virtue” .
Virtue means the causes of happiness. Again, we don’t always think of this meaning when we hear the word virtue. We think more of something that is virtuous.
Thus, effort delights in the causes of happiness. That doesn’t sound like much effort as we know it! But we can see that if we had a mind that enjoyed cultivating the causes of happiness, we would end up being very happy, because we would be joyfully creating joy! With effort, our meditation becomes a pleasure, like a child playing his favourite video game. The objective is therefore to take pleasure in our practice without it requiring any particular effort.
We may not be there yet, but it’s also good to know what effort really is: no forcing, no pressure, no straining, no grasping for results. We shouldn’t feel miserable when we try to practice hard now, but the results are too far away, and even years or future lifetimes won’t be enough to get there. At that point we draw an impassable gulf between us and our goal – which inevitably leads us to failure.
The solution is not to compare and judge what others are doing or fantasize about what they think of us. We should not belittle ourselves or believe everything our own inner narrative tells us about who we are. Effort is about being in the moment, appreciating the virtue or causes of happiness, identifying with being a happy person – in other words, enjoying being positive, kind, wise, happy and free.
A word of advice: for starters, if you have to, you can pretend that you enjoy your virtuous activities – or rather imagine that you are. For example, if at first you do very long prayers, prostrations or fasts, and you don’t always automatically enjoy these spiritual practices, you may think “I really appreciate that! ” until you believe it. These are just thoughts, but can really work.
Anger is one of the most common and destructive mental disturbances, and it affects our mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger, we need to identify it within our mind, to recognize how it hurts us and others, and to understand and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of difficulties. Then, we need to apply methods in our daily lives to reduce our anger and ultimately prevent it from fully manifesting.
What is anger? Anger is a disturbed state of mind that attaches itself to an animated or inanimate object, feels it as unpleasant, exaggerates its faults and desires to harm it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that time, he or she seems unpleasant or unpleasant to us. We then exaggerate his faults by fixing ourselves only on the aspects that irritate us, and ignoring all his qualities and kindness, until we have built a mental image of an intrinsically defective person. We then want to hurt this person in one way or another, probably by criticizing or denigrating him. Anger is therefore a state of mind next to reality because it is based on exaggeration.
Every time anger occurs in us, our inner peace disappears immediately and even our body becomes tense and uncomfortable. We are so agitated that it is almost impossible for us to find sleep and, when we succeed, our night is hectic and not very restorative. When we are angry, it is impossible for us to have fun and even our food seems to taste bad. Anger even turns an usually attractive person into a demon with a red and ugly face. Then we become more and more unhappy and, whatever our efforts, we are unable to control our emotions.
Anger is particularly destructive in our relationships with others. When we live in contact with a person, our personalities, priorities, interests and ways of doing things frequently clash. We spend so much time together and we know each other’s faults so well that it becomes very easy to become critical of our irritable partner and accuse him of ruining our lives. Unless we continually make efforts to manage this anger as soon as it occurs, our relationships will suffer. And little by little by dint of patience our reactions will change for more benevolence.
Anger is a response to feelings of discontent, which in turn occur whenever we encounter unpleasant conditions. Whenever something prevents us from satisfying our desires or when we are forced to live in a situation that we do not like (in short, whenever we would prefer to avoid things), our uncontrolled mind reacts immediately with a feeling of discontent. This uncomfortable feeling can easily turn into anger, and we become even more disturbed than before.
Our meditation classes for managing your anger
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
If something can be remedied, why be unhappy about it? And if there is no remedy for it, there is still no point in being unhappy!
Recommended reading for more learning – How to Solve our Human Problems
Guided by a competent teacher, the regular practice of meditation brings many benefits in the short, medium and long term:
- Increased attention and concentration
- Sharp intelligence and an ability to make clear decisions
- Reduced stress, anxiety and worry
- Listening and communication are improved
- Reduction of irritation, anger and frustrations
- Flexibility and creativity to solve problems
- Growing self-confidence and self-esteem
- Inner peace and stable happiness
- Unusual physical and mental well-being
- Positive and optimistic attitude
- Better personal and professional relationships
- Better physical and mental health
Why and how do these benefits manifest themselves?
By training ourselves in meditation with patience and perseverance, distracting thoughts will lose their hold on us and we will experience a sense of inner peace and relaxation. Our mind will feel clear and spacious, and we will feel refreshed.
Let’s take an analogy: When the sea is rough, the sediment is stirred, so the water becomes cloudy. On the other hand, when the wind drops and the sediment settles slowly, the water becomes clear. Then a beauty manifests itself, thus remaining resplendent (unalterable) on the surface of the ocean without ever coming down again. Likewise, when the agitation of our mind ceases , it becomes calm, lucid and spacious and our problems and worries disappear. We then feel naturally well disposed towards others because we reveal our deep nature which is essentially good.
To remain in meditation, focused on the breath without distractions for a while, is deeply restorative and nurturing. Like restorative sleep, meditation often brings good advice; it makes us more creative and efficient and especially better disposed to assume our daily responsibilities with increasing pleasure. It will also be easier for us to face difficult situations thanks to the hindsight and “letting go” brought by meditation.
Outside of meditation sessions, as we no longer identify with our disturbed and uncontrolled states of mind, we gain self-confidence and our choices and decisions become more measured and tailored. As a result, our self-esteem grows and gradually our relationships improve.
“When the turbulence of distracting thoughts subsides and our mind becomes still, a deep happiness and contentment naturally arises from within. If we train in meditation, our mind will gradually become more and more peaceful, and we will experience a purer and purer form of happiness. Eventually we will be able to stay happy all the time, even in the most difficult circumstances.”
The New Meditation Handbook – Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
Our next meditation classes
How long does it take to meditate to start experiencing such benefits?
By meditating only ten or fifteen minutes a day on the breath, we will be able to free ourselves from the stress and tensions usually experienced which stem in large part from our exaggerated expectations. Since the majority of our problems, including health problems, stem from pent-up stress, it’s a good investment of time and energy for so many beneficial outcomes.
Breath meditation is a first approach that, on its own, can be quite powerful. Mastery of the mind over the breath enables us to experience inner peace and contentment, regardless of the outer circumstances of our lives.
What is the point of discovering other forms of meditation?
Having gained some experience in breath meditation, it is good to move on to pragmatic meditations that cultivate familiarity with new states of mind. Only these meditations, called Lamrim (the stages of the path), allow us to free ourselves definitively from our problems and sufferings. It is these meditations that allow one to experience maximum benefits.
Meditation is a method for familiarizing our mind with virtue. The more familiar our mind becomes with virtue, the calmer and more peaceful it becomes. When our mind is peaceful, we are free from worries and mental pain, and we experience real happiness.
If we train our mind to become peaceful, we shall be happy all the time, even in the most difficult circumstances; but if our mind is not peaceful, we shall not be happy even if we have the most pleasant external conditions. It is therefore important to train our mind through meditation.
There are two types of meditation: analytical meditation and placement meditation. Analytical meditation involves contemplating the meaning of Dharma instructions that we have heard or read. By contemplating these instructions deeply, we shall eventually reach a definite conclusion or cause a particular virtuous state of mind to arise. This conclusion, or virtuous state of mind, is the object of placement meditation.
Having found our object through analytical meditation, we then concentrate on it single-pointedly for as long as possible, so that we become deeply familiar with it. This single-pointed concentration is placement meditation. Analytical meditation is often called “contemplation”, and placement meditation is often called “meditation”.
Placement meditation depends upon analytical meditation, and analytical meditation depends upon listening to or reading Dharma instructions.
If we practise patiently in this way, our distracting thoughts will gradually subside and we shall experience a sense of inner peace and relaxation.
Our mind will feel lucid and spacious, and we shall feel refreshed. When the sea is rough, sediment is stirred up and the water becomes cloudy, but when the wind dies down, the mud gradually settles and the water becomes clear.
In the same way, when, through concentrating on the breath, we calm the continual flow of our distractions, our mind becomes exceptionally clear and lucid. We should remain in this state of mental calm for a while.
Although breathing meditation is only a preliminary meditation, it can be very powerful. Through this practice we can understand from our own experience that simply by controlling our mind we can experience inner peace and contentment, without having to depend in any way upon external conditions.
This feeling of contentment and well-being helps us to cope with the busyness and difficulties of daily life. Much of the stress and tension we normally experience comes from our mind, and many of our problems, including health problems, are caused or aggravated by this stress. By meditating on the breath for just ten or fifteen minutes each day, we shall be able to reduce this stress.
Our mind will feel calm and spacious, and many of our usual problems will disappear. We shall find it easier to deal with difficult situations, we shall naturally feel warm and well-disposed towards others, and our relationships will gradually improve.
Our next meditation classes to practise and improve your meditation skills
Stress is one of the major problems in our modern lives
- when parents take their children to school or leisure, they stress,
- when the elderly learn of possible changes in the building, they stress,
- when schoolchildren and students wait for their grades, they get stressed.
Everyone is stressed!
On a daily basis, we encounter a lot of annoyance , stress , and pressure related to the responsibilities, roles and functions we have at work and at home.
Responding to each other’s expectations, at times, yes, that’s too much to manage! Especially if everyone does not do their part!
Our meditation classes for managing stress
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
Most health problems are caused or worsened by this stress
Back pain, headaches, chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety … We are the first consumers of anxiolytics in the world but it is clear that it does not work. Decompressing just by walking, swimming or chewing gum… is not going to be enough. It works temporarily, but does not interfere with our restless thoughts .
Most of the time we think the situation is stressful in itself. That is, our boss is stressful, our partner is stressful…
Anything can be stressful. We think that the source of the stress exists outside our mind and that’s why we say “I’m in a stressful situation” . In other words, we have no choice but to stress.
If this were the case everyone would see these so-called stressful situations as stressful, whereas for some people it is fine.
Stress comes because we feel that we are not going to be able to handle a situation calmly , for example a deadline at work or an overly complex task where we have overestimated our skills.
Stress comes from the discrepancy between what we would like and reality
The external conditions, which trigger stress, are neither good nor bad in themselves but depend on the way we apprehend them and react to them. The real problem is therefore internal and not external. The computer’s problems are not the person’s problems. The real problem stems from the unpleasant sensations that occur inside our minds . All our problems (unpleasant feelings) come from delusions.
“Where is there enough leather to cover the surface of the earth?
But just having leather on the soles of one’s feet is the same as covering the whole Earth.”
Where to seek happiness?
From the first moment we open our eyes in the morning, our first thoughts are, to some extent, “as long as it goes well today”. Throughout our day, we nourish this desire that everything goes well. Even at night, in our dreams, we hope to live pleasant moments…
And yet, if we were asked “happiness, what is it? It would be difficult for us to clearly and simply describe the object of all our lusts… It’s still strange, don’t you think?
The consumerism of our modern societies promises us that happiness lies in the objects we just need to buy. Throughout the day, through all our screens, our urban landscapes and our written press, we are literally bludgeoned with advertising messages that unanimously say the same thing:
“Are you looking for happiness? Buy me! “.
Our meditation classes for finding happiness
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
Through meditation, we finally take some time to ask ourselves this question. Here, as part of the teachings of Buddhist wisdom, we reflect and test in our own experience the definition of happiness proposed in teachings more than 2600 years old. But already at the time, as since the dawn of time, Man has always tried to bring this quest for happiness to its end. So, what definition of happiness does Buddhism offer us?
“Happiness and suffering are states of mind, so their main causes cannot be outside the mind. The real source of happiness is inner peace. If our mind is peaceful, we will be happy all the time, regardless of external conditions, but if it is disturbed or troubled in any way, we will never be happy, no matter how good our external conditions may be. ”
Excerpt from the free e-book How to transform your life by Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
Is that all? Just inner peace? …
Well, yes! But in Buddhism, you are asked to never believe an affirmation without passing it to the mill of your critical mind and then test it life-size in your daily life. This is why the meditation classes given in our center aim to explain each concept by dissecting it with scientific rigor and a rational mind.
Subsequently, it is your responsibility to objectively check whether meditation actually brings you happiness. You need to observe the quality of a day when you meditated and compare it to a day when you did not meditate. Thus, you should see how a peaceful spirit gradually allows you to live a simply happier life! With this motivation, meditation can very quickly become a very effective tool to find the Holy Grail where you may not have sought: happiness is a state of mind, it makes sense to find it in our mind and more precisely in a peaceful spirit.
Fear, a continual presence in our lives
Our life is inhabited by fear. We know very well some of our manifest fears, such as the fear of spiders, snakes or the void. These fears make us act or rather react quickly to no longer be confronted with the situation. Others are more tenuous, less visible, such as fear of the gaze of others, fear of judgement, fear of not being up to it, fear of being alone, fear of not being loved( e). We do not necessarily recognize them as such, but as for the previous ones, we have built ourselves, over time, behaviors that aim to avoid confronting these fears. Finally, we have a universal fear, which is that of suffering. We want to avoid all kinds of suffering and for this we put a lot of energy into transforming our external conditions. For example, to avoid the pain of feeling alone, we can choose to stay in a relationship, even if it hurts us.
Our meditation classes for overcoming fear
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
Overcome our fears by changing our view of ourselves
Where does fear come from? Fear arises from our impression that we will not be able to cope with a situation (external or internal). For example, we can say to ourselves, I can’t deal with loneliness, I can’t deal with a spider on my arm, so we generate a feeling of fear. Fear is intimately linked to our lack of self-confidence and the limited vision we have of ourselves. These negative feelings make us believe that we are unable to remain calm and constructive internally in the face of unpleasant situations, as they appear to us. We are worried about having to deal with all the unpleasant feelings and we are convinced inside that we will not be able to deal with them. This limited view of ourselves is our greatest enemy. Yet we all have at hand a mind whose deep nature is to be calm, perfectly peaceful, and filled with love and bliss. This is our potential, our ‘Buddha Seed’ When we are connected to this source of peace, everything is possible for us and no limitations exist. We already experience it when, for example, we have to speak in public (or any other situation that worries us a little) and we take a few very deep breaths to calm ourselves, to de-stress. These few breaths bring us closer to our deep nature, which is to be perfectly peaceful and serene. They make us able to cope with the situation. The external situation has not changed, but the spirit we are connected to now is more trusting. We are connected to a better place. If a few breaths are capable of producing such an effect, imagine the effect we could achieve if we practiced daily to deepen our connection with our pure nature and maintain it. In Buddhism, this training is called take refuge. That is to say, go connect to our pure nature, sheltered from the hustle and bustle.
For whom are we afraid?
Usually we think ‘it’s obvious I’m afraid for Me. There is Me on one side and the rest of the world around. A world that I must endure. I have to avoid the pitfalls, all those situations that could make me suffer and gather all the good conditions that will allow me to be happy’
The Buddhist teachings invite us to question ourselves on this vision of the way in which we and the world exist. Currently, we believe that we exist separate from the rest of the world. We can think, my spirit is inside my body and this is Me and my spirit has nothing to do with the way I exist. The rest of the world is outside, separated, books, objects, other people seem to be on the outside and we have absolutely no sense that our minds have anything to do with the way the world exists. We feel that all individuals experience the same world, tangible, solid, irretrievably existing from its own side. Buddha said that all phenomena are dream-like. In transform your life , Geshe Kelsang Gyatso gives the following example “If we dream of an elephant, the elephant appears clearly, in its smallest details, we can see it, hear it, smell it and touch it, but when we we wake up, we realize that the elephant was only an appearance in our mind”. We don’t ask ourselves, Where did the elephant go? because we understand that it was just a projection of our mind, with no existence outside of our mind. What if our world existed the same way? That is to say, as a mere appearance to our mind of the waking state. Sometimes we can dream and be aware that we are dreaming. People and situations appear to us, but we know that this is all just a dream. At this moment, all our fears disappear. That threatening person from the previous moment is no longer so. In an instant, we have transformed it since if everything is only appearance, simple thought, and that we are aware of it then we can simply think differently.
The lack of inherent existence of our world and ourselves is called emptiness. Emptiness does not say that things and people do not exist, it holds that things and people do not exist the way they appear to us. We believe they exist independently of our minds, while we are completely involved in how they exist. When we have fully realized this, all our fears will have disappeared, we will be totally free from our fears, stress, anxieties, terrors…
Not all fears are harmful to us
While waiting for that moment, it is important to see that not all fears are harmful. Fear is an emotion that allows us to avoid putting ourselves in danger. For example, it will prevent us from falling by approaching too close to the edge of the cliff. Certain fears, based on wisdom, will give us the energy to continue on the spiritual path or to continue to seek to realize emptiness, for example, when the subject seems difficult to us. The fear of dying with an uncontrolled mind, the fear of having to endlessly repeat the cycle of suffering life after life without any choice, the fear of the suffering to come which understands the law of karma allows us to resist the temptation to kill, steal, lie…
Fear is not inevitable and is most often a bad adviser. It is therefore our responsibility for our own well-being to cultivate our trust in our pure nature and to experience it. We can, in the morning when we wake up, take pleasure in feeling connected to our pure nature before starting our day. And in the evening, before falling asleep, we can allow ourselves to feel peaceful and let go of the hustle and bustle of the day by connecting to our beautiful nature through simple breathing.
Our relationships occupy a major place in our lives, whether in intimacy (our partner or companion, our children, our close friends, our pets), or on a daily basis (our neighbors, our line manager, our colleagues, the bus driver, the baker or the administration counter clerk). We would like all these relationships to be nurturing, rich, filled with love and benevolence, without any conflict: in a word, perfect. Unfortunately, more often than not, our relationships are not entirely satisfactory, they deteriorate over time: this companion, so great at the beginning, no longer understands us, this child in whom we had placed so much hope disappoints us. The question then arises: What should I do to improve this relationship?
Improve our relationships by developing love and lowering our expectations
The Buddhist teachings offer us to bring a clear vision of the situation. All our relationships are based on a mixture of 2 aspects that we find it very difficult to differentiate: love, which is a particularly pleasant feeling, and attachment (or our expectations), which is a source of our suffering. Yet, it is very easy to tell the difference between these two feelings. Love is the feeling of wanting the other to be happy without any reservations. As for the feeling of attachment, he considers that the other has the duty to make us happy and that this constitutes his life mission. If he doesn’t, he becomes responsible for our unhappiness.
Love is turned towards the other while attachment is centered on ourselves, our needs and our desires. It is in our romantic relationships that it is easiest to begin to distinguish between these 2 notions. Currently, these feelings of love and attachment (expectations) are so mixed up for us, that we believe that attachment is love. For example, we believe that love is measured by the pain we feel when we are separated from the loved one. Likewise, if we listen to so-called ” love songs” we believe that the words come from a spirit of love, when ultimately they are the fruit of a spirit of attachment. These words which touch us so much reveal above all that our happiness or our well-being depends on the presence and attitude of the other towards us.
Remarkably improving our relationships is as simple as lowering our expectations and increasing our love. Indeed, “Happiness is a state of mind, its main cause can only be found in the mind“, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, in his book, Transform your life. We believe very deeply that our happiness depends on the other or that the other is responsible for our happiness. For example, if our beloved is present with us, we feel good and happy, while if he is absent, we feel bad or sad.
This view is incorrect, although deeply rooted in us, is difficult to dislodge. We can see this in our mood swings. For example, when we are in a good mood in the morning and our mind is quiet, then everything seems beautiful and pleasant to us. Even the announcement of the delay of our train does not affect our good mood and is therefore not a problem for us at this time. However, if this delay persists, we may become attached to this delay and do not accept that it can happen to US. Our mind then starts to get agitated and we immediately lose our good mood. This situation proves to us that the source of our bad mood is our expectation that the train is on time.
Our meditation classes for improving your relationships
Sun 25 Oct
Sun 15 Nov
Fri 15 Jan
Fri 29 Jan
By lowering my expectations, I will forget myself and lose myself, right?
We may feel that lowering our expectations means blending in with each other’s desires and completely forgetting about ourselves. We think this because we know, sometimes from experience, that doing what each other wants, regardless of our needs, is unsustainable. We exhaust ourselves and we lose ourselves inside. However, this thought misleads us.
Conversely , the expectation that we must reduce is our belief that the other is the real source of our happiness and that he must outwardly be as we wish at all times. This shift in thinking is everyday practice. Thus, we will be able to experience true happiness, stemming from a feeling of peace and love in our heart, as well as a reduction in our expectations of the other.
When we try to meet all the demands of the other but we are not able to do so at the moment, it usually means that we are afraid of displeasing or that the other no longer loves us and leaves us if we we can’t. In this example, it is again our spirit of attachment that drives us and not that of love which is the sincere desire that the other be happy.
Improving our relationships by increasing our love for ourselves and for others and decreasing our attachment is a source of happiness in this life and in all our future lives. The more aware we are of our ability to be happy regardless of external circumstances, the more we will become accustomed to tasting the delicate happiness of a peaceful mind.
We can therefore have access to this happiness whenever and wherever we want. Our ability to welcome and fully love others, with their qualities and their faults, will grow. And since he often found that when a person feels loved by another, they naturally love him back, so we will probably be loved by others. Our life will thus be filled with rich and nourishing relationships, even if these relationships may be short-lived (people met during training, a holiday or even a simple bus journey).
Each of these centres offers study programmes based on Buddhist psychology, philosophy and meditation, as well as retreats, for practitioners of all levels. Particular emphasis is placed on putting the Buddha’s teachings into practice in everyday life, so that, throughout the world, our daily problems may be resolved and everyone may experience lasting peace and happiness.
Kadampa Buddhism of the NKT-IKBU is a completely independent Buddhist tradition with no political affiliation. It is an association of Buddhist centres and practitioners who draw inspiration from the example set by the ancient Kadampa Buddhist masters and follow their teachings, as presented by Geshe Kelsang.
